There is one thing I love to do,

To my friends and family and maybe you:

Is to see how quickly their bodies melt

When I pour some acid upon their pelt.

Bones will crumble and the skin will bubble

And they realise they’re in a heap of trouble.

But they cannot stop their disappearing meat

As I laugh and giggle, oh, what a treat!

Only last month I made a cup of tea,

One for Grandma and one for me.

She said, “This tea tastes bad and very flaccid!”

And I replied, “Sweet granny: you’re drinking acid.”

She gasped with shock and jumped right up

The acid spilling from her cup,

And it was so funny, I gave a little clap

As the dangerous potion fell into her lap.

You probably know what I could see,

And as her legs melted, she looked at me.

Her face was almost beetroot red

And with one last gurgle, she fell down dead.

Well, poor old thing, I gave her credit

And it was me who did, of course, inherit

All the things she owned and had

You’ve never seen a happier lad.

So I sold her stuff and got the money

Which to me was ironic and funny,

And I called my girl just for a laugh

And when she came, I ran her a bath.

But it wasn’t a bath of the normal kind,

And it took a while to fill it, mind.

Then I said, “Babe, it’s good to go,

But before you hop in, just let me know.”

So she called for me and I ushered her in,

And I couldn’t help my childish grin.

Then she stripped down naked, then she said,

“After I’m finished, I’ll meet you in bed.”

My pulse just raced, I held on to the skin

Oh boy, oh boy, I had to think!

Do I confess and further add resolve, or

Wait right here, watching her dissolve?

Before my decision, she jumped right in

And it didn’t take long to lose her skin.

She screamed for help, calling my name

I said, “Sorry I didn’t tell you: I’m completely insane!”

“Get me out!” she shrieked out loud,

As her bubbling skin made a nauseating cloud.

I pushed down her head with a toilet brush,

And after three minutes, she had turned to slush.

I’ll forever remember and to this day,

It’s hard not to feel the loss and dismay.

If only then I had a clearer head,

We'd be making love, but now, she's dead.

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